my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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