My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
