Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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