well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
