i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
