then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
