it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
