All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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