in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
