look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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