Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
