Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
