just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
