i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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