I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
