Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
