I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
