I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
