Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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