We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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