did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
