dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
