my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
