i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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