Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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