Screwed.edu
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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