i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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