You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
