My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
