I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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