Hey man sorry I got all grabby
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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