wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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