a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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