he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
