you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
