i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
