i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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