I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
