When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
