The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
