I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
