@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
