Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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