I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
