you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
