No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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