Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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