i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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