Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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