ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
