no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
