HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
