you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
