I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
