Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
