My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
