I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
