all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
