the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
