She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
