so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
