Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
