this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
